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FIC: Weights and Measures - Breaking Bad, Walt/Jesse

Title: Weights and Measures
Pairing: Walt/Jesse
Rating: NC-17
Word count: ~1000
Spoilers: 3x13 - "Full Measure"
Other formats: AO3 || Russian translation (translated by pointlessride)
Disclaimer: This is an amateur, not-for-profit work of fiction. No attempt has been made to copyright characters and/or concepts owned by the Breaking Bad people, nor is any infringement intended on existing copyrights.
A/N: Bryan Cranston, to work with you every single day is a dream. This fic was difficult and rewarding. Thanks to beta ignazwisdom for preventing me from making a fool of myself in a couple of places, and for being awesome. Thanks to vegarin , readishmael , and fakepoptart for encouragement and distraction. Appreciation to Elizabeth Lowry for long-ago inspiration. Cut lyrics from "Halfway Home" by TV on the Radio.

Warnings: Dubcon, domination/submission, implied noncon, implied abuse.

Summary: Your buzz briefly mutates when you arrive home to find a jimmied front lock and Jesse crashed out on your couch. He comes here? Here. That imbecilic.... You start to wake him up, stop. Your fingers are just short of his shoulder, and the shoulder is bony and bare; he's shirtless, folded into himself, the skin of his nose and eyelids enflamed. Your hand wanders, skimming his hair before dropping to your side.

Weights and Measures

6353 Juan Tabo, Apartment 6.

Yeah.


**

Meth, hell! The high you get from the naked amazement in Mike's face--not even you could manufacture a product to compare. You snap your coat around your shoulders, flash your teeth. "You don't know whether you want to kill me or suck me," you say, and exhale sharply from the rush that comes when his expression turns some more.

Two phone calls later and he's tossing you your cell. Of course he's been told to let you go. You are the center of their precious universe, the linchpin of a multimillion dollar empire. You are indispensable. Indispensable.

**

Your buzz briefly mutates when you arrive home to find a jimmied front lock and Jesse crashed out on your couch. He comes here? Here. That imbecilic.... You start to wake him up, stop. Your fingers are just short of his shoulder, and the shoulder is bony and bare; he's shirtless, folded into himself, the skin of his nose and eyelids enflamed. Your hand wanders, skimming his hair before dropping to your side.

You suppose it doesn't matter--after all, you hold all the cards here. They need you to cook, and they know you won't cook without Jesse. You've seen to his safety for now.

Your chest constricts, then expands: fresh, unwelcome feeling floods in. Jesus God. You move away as fast as you can without sound, shuffling across the living room until your shoe catches in something lightweight and yielding.

**

You've stripped to your undershirt and briefs and even taken off your glasses, but your eccrine and apocrine glands relentlessly push sodium- and chloride-rich fluids to the surface of your skin. You're leaning against the kitchen counter, clutching Jesse's T-shirt.

The spatters seem almost at home in the bizarre doomsday graphic, the brighter red and deeper black. You smell it to be certain, flinch: fading iron, invading rot. You should bury it, burn it maybe. Or should you make some attempt to remove the stains? You find yourself trying to conjure some past image of Jesse wearing that shirt, clean. You can't see it, can't see it, can't see it.

You gasp when Jesse does. Glands pump. Norepinephrine levels rise. The T-shirt ends up back on the floor.

**

Seriously, he's too skinny. The tattoos are unrecognizable and ridiculous. You've never seen eyes like his. The sum of it is simply unbearable.

You're sitting with him on the couch, shushing him, and then you're circling his nipple with your fingertip. What is that inked up there, a snake? A dragon? Ludicrous. You circle tighter, lean forward. Lean into him when he starts to mumble frantically.

"Shh, shh." Your other hand drifts to his hipbone. Holy God, you could break him! You make a sound you hadn't meant to, and he recoils slightly; you pull him back in to you, rub your goatee against his ear. You murmur to him firmly. You need to make him understand.

"Everything is going to be fine. You're going to be fine, Jesse. You're the good guy. Do you understand? You're the good guy, son."

**

Jesse's choked cry begets your fainter one--he's tugging hard at the back of your collar. You tuck your chin briefly to protract the sensation and the dopamine kicks up and fuck, you start to shove yourself against him but catch yourself, hold back. You unsnap his pants instead, spitting into your palm, jamming your hand down his boxers. He releases your shirt at the collar, latches on again in the middle of your spine.

You're stroking him: short, strong, arrhythmic. You're telling him: "That's it, that's it. That's okay. That's okay." He's making reedy, truncated sounds behind lips pinched thin and tight. Air scratches violently through his nostrils.

And then his body is curling into you, and the air and the sounds and the wet of his lips are rippling into the deepest hollow of your neck, and you're instantly, irretrievably spellbound by whatever is coming next.

"Please, Mr. White." It vibrates low and long against your skin. "Please--please."

**

You grab yourself through your underwear with your free hand, deliver a single, brutal stroke through the cloth. Your other hand fumbles into his scrotum, cupping it, jerking down.

"Ohgodfuckyou," you hear Jesse say distantly, but his forehead rocks compulsively into the slick of your neck. You love him, want to shake him. Your head lolls forward toward his.

"Again."

He's wriggling, not answering you right away. Your mouth scrapes in and out of the heated whorls of his ear. Barely, only barely, you tighten the fit of your palm around his ballsack.

"Again, Jesse."

"Please, Mr. White," he grates out, and the words are a binary compound--need and now blistering bitterness--that makes your cock swell and your eyes start to burn.

**

You shush him with a whisper and the flip of your fist on his erection. You twist your wrist a few times on your way up his shaft, extend your thumb to ridge of his glans.

"All right," you say finally into the rifts of his hair. You move your thumb across him gently. "All right, now, son. Come on."

He stiffens immediately, then comes into your hand.

**

You're holding his neck while he gasps for his breath. The narrow shoulders pump. The absurd tattoo lifts and deflates, lifts and deflates. You don't know what you expected to see. His eyes are haunted and endless, the dread in them unmistakable. Misery takes up its gnaw at your chest.

"Uh, did you, uh," Jesse gulps, "did you--you know, want--"

You want to hiss in his ear and ram his head down. You want to seize his hair and his shoulders and still him; to fill his mouth and his throat and shut him the hell up. You want to forget the pink of his eyelids and the stink of his shirt, and to feel just one thing, just one facile thing.

"I mean, I don't know if you wanted, like.... But Mr. White, I'm not--I can't--"

Do it. You weigh the risks and rewards of one more measure of resentment. Do it! Your fingertips spasm on the tender skin of his neck.

Comments

( 57 reuptakes — So uninhibited )
readishmael
Sep. 15th, 2010 04:25 am (UTC)
It's finally here! Yay! (I've seriously been waiting all day for this.)

Oh, man, this is so perfectly fucked-up. It pisses me off, it breaks my heart, it's blisteringly fucking hot. I can't even wrap my brain around how this can be so exciting and make me so miserable at the same time, but it means it's a perfect fit for the show. Poor Jesse. Goddamn Walt.

(Also, Jesse's begging does wonderful, terrible things to me. Jesus.)
squonkfan
Sep. 15th, 2010 05:00 am (UTC)
It's finally here! Yay! (I've seriously been waiting all day for this.)

Aww, wow, that makes me feel good--not to mention exceedingly relieved that it seems as if it might've been worth the wait for you. I couldn't wait to post it, either! I feel immesurably better now.

Thank you so, so much for commenting tonight and for letting me know how you were affected. "I can't even wrap my brain around how this can be so exciting and make me so miserable at the same time, but it means it's a perfect fit for the show." YES! *fistpump* Amazing. Thank you! (Er, not that I want you to be miserable. But.)

I know, I know. Walt. I just. And Jesse--God. You know, I don't think I want this to happen on the show. I don't think I could deal. Let's leave it in fic, where we'll all be temporarily destroyed but we can bounce back with the knowledge that it didn't "really happen." But also we can still have the part where we get turned on.

Thank you again, so much.
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vegarin
Sep. 15th, 2010 04:58 am (UTC)
Dude. Dude. Duuude.

I was about to hit the bed without checking the flist, but obviously there was a reason I had to check because, this? Dude.

That was insanely hot and heartbreaking. And so deliciously fucked up, even by the Breaking Bad standard of things. I love how Walt keep wavering between ferocious unstability and self-hate reflected and projected onto Jesse, and Jesse... ::cry::

You can't see it, can't see it, can't see it.

Neither can I, and damn, you keep having Walt call him "son". Now that's just mean. And "you're the good guy"? Agh. Walt, goddamnyou. Loved the second-person POV here - it really does capture Walt's psyche in all its glory, in a graphic and disturbing level of details. And all of that without wasting too many words, too. I love this economy of words.

Also loved the last paragraph, how it echoes the "Do it, Jesse!" line from Full Measure, how it seemingly ends ambiguously but really doesn't at the same time. A perfecct ending, really, though obviously I want more. You're evil, I tell you.
squonkfan
Sep. 15th, 2010 05:16 am (UTC)
Neither can I, and damn, you keep having Walt call him "son". Now that's just mean.

Oh, for sure. And I struggled with that, both times I did it. It was so hard to accept the idea that that was the right thing for the character. I'm glad I stuck it out, though. Those instances are really kind of at the heart of the story for me.

Loved the second-person POV here - it really does capture Walt's psyche in all its glory, in a graphic and disturbing level of details.

Whew, thanks! I have never written second-person before. I thought about adding the POV to the warnings section. :) I've seen it done well so few times, so I was unsure about it (and it's actually not my favorite thing to read usually). But it seemed really suited for what I needed to do with Walt.

I love this economy of words.

I love that you mention it and found it effective.

Also loved the last paragraph, how it echoes the "Do it, Jesse!" line from Full Measure, how it seemingly ends ambiguously but really doesn't at the same time.

♥ ♥ ♥

A perfecct ending, really, though obviously I want more.

Sorry, dude. ;)

Thank you so, so much for reading and commenting. YAYYAYAY.
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fakepoptart
Sep. 15th, 2010 04:59 am (UTC)
Guuuhhhhhhhhh

(Cannot form words when my jaw's on the floor.)

Seriously, though- hot. HOT. And dark, beautifully, repulsively, wonderfully dark. Succint, sexy, and a whole lot of other positive adjectives I'd shove at you but I think you get the point.

*Willrefrainfrombeggingformorebutit'stakingalotofeffort*
squonkfan
Sep. 15th, 2010 05:22 am (UTC)
*gently picks up your jaw, dusts it off*

Thank you so much!! I'm so, so happy that you enjoyed it.

*Willrefrainfrombeggingformorebutit'stakingalotofeffort*

I would love to write more. I truly would. But it's probably not possible during the semester. Maybe I could work on another BB fic in lieu of Yuletide this year.

BLOWFISH!!! YEAH!!!
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communicator
Sep. 15th, 2010 07:01 am (UTC)
This is a really great fic squonkfan. I feel there's a tension arising from the show, which is now only starting to be resolved into these great sexy fics we are reading now, and this is a great example. I think the second person is just right. I particularly like this type of story where what is happening is quite simple, but there's a massive freight of meaning behind it. And I like the way the very strong power dynamic is expressed through something very simple; forcing Jesse to ask, but just gently, persuasively. That's exactly what the dynamic is like, expressed in a physical interaction. Perfect.

(ETA - well, not that gently. Ahem. But very controlled. I can just so imagine Walt saying 'Again, Jesse'. I can hear it now in my head.)

Edited at 2010-09-15 07:27 am (UTC)
squonkfan
Sep. 16th, 2010 12:32 am (UTC)
Indeed, not too gently, but not in an exaggeratedly aggressive way. The relative ease of it is a major turn-on for Walt--one small, firm verbal and tactile push, and he has him--but I could also definitely see a Defiant!Jesse doing just as much for him. That, too, could have been an interesting way to go in this situation, and/or an interesting way to continue. (I tend to think Jesse is a little too vulnerable right here, though, for it to fit quite right.) In any event, I'm so very glad you could hear Walt in that moment!

Thank you so much for reading and commenting. I'm delighted that it worked for you.
sinloi
Sep. 16th, 2010 02:50 pm (UTC)
Well, you killed me. I hope you're happy. :P But, in all seriousness, this is just utterly beautiful. I mean, it's horrible, yeah, but in the absolute best possible way. This is definitely getting mem'd.

I'm gonna go try and resuscitate myself now and take a cold shower.

(Also, omg The Me and Thee archive. Starsky & Hutch fan? I may have to friend you.)
squonkfan
Sep. 17th, 2010 07:14 pm (UTC)
Well, you killed me. I hope you're happy. :P

Very!! I mean...no. Bad. Very bad. :)

But thank you so much for the lovely feedback! I'm so glad it worked for you.

Starsky & Hutch fan?

Yep. I have a (gen) S&H fic on this very journal. Haven't been heavily involved in that fandom for quite a long time, but it's always a favorite.
periariyx
Sep. 20th, 2010 09:47 am (UTC)
I-- whoa.

I actually really can't stand these two as a pairing - and that's a first for me, and knowing what I knew about the show before I watched it I assumed I'd have been all over it, but I really just couldn't buy into it - but I think this fic has the capabilities to convert me, at least a little, heh. Because it was... well, very written in the style of the show, and all-too easy to picture. Your Walt voice is disturbingly (in the best way possible) on, through the thoughts and the dialogue, and considering Jesse's look in the final scene that we've seen thus far, and whatever may come of that, he feels right, too. (I can't even begin to imagine what direction the writers are going to take him in, but I want to know oh-so-bad. But this is so believable. Even though it would never happen in the show.)

This is so easy to reread, too. As others have stated, it's definitely hot, but what really draws me in is the fucked up power dynamic - just expressed in a totally different way. The descriptions are amazing. And, because it bears repeating, your Walt voice. So good. And really, really chilling.
squonkfan
Sep. 24th, 2010 03:58 pm (UTC)
I apologize for the delay in replying to such a lovely comment.

I actually really can't stand these two as a pairing

Any specific reason you can pinpoint? Just curious!

and considering Jesse's look in the final scene that we've seen thus far, and whatever may come of that, he feels right, too.

Oh, thanks. Yeah, I feel like in another context Jesse would be significantly more resistant than he is here. I do think he would eventually (uh, the only word I can come up with is) submit, and that once he did, at this point Walt knows enough about what makes him tick to control him pretty thoroughly. Here, though, as you suggest, I was working off Jesse's expression in the last scene and just thought would be too wrecked, too in need of comfort, to put up much of a fight. I, too, am anxious to see where the writers take him.

But ths is so believable. Even though it would never happen in the show.)

Hee, some of us have been discussing that. There are folks who think it could actually happen. I am way skeptical.

And, because it bears repeating, your Walt voice. So good. And really, really chilling.

Wow, thank you. Seriously. I'm so happy you found him true to form. And thanks so much for reading, and for all of your kind words!
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cosmosduvet
Oct. 23rd, 2010 11:13 pm (UTC)
This was incredible. Really, really awesome writing. :)
squonkfan
Oct. 24th, 2010 01:21 am (UTC)
How lovely to get this comment in my inbox this evening! Thanks so much for reading, and for the very kind words. I'm so glad you enjoyed it.
(Deleted comment)
squonkfan
Nov. 4th, 2010 10:26 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! I'm jealous of you for having so much of the show to see for the first time still. :) Enjoy it, and thanks again for your kind comment!
sinloi
Nov. 9th, 2010 12:51 am (UTC)
I'm making a master list for bb_slash of all the Breaking Bad fanfiction there is, and I was wondering if you minded your story being rec'd there?
squonkfan
Nov. 9th, 2010 01:20 am (UTC)
That would be awesome, thank you! And thank you for starting the comm!
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blushingsigh
Aug. 18th, 2011 07:49 pm (UTC)
I had to wash my face because parts of it may have melted while reading the fic. Yeah.

The writing was amazing. You were as one reviewer economic with words, which is so very ... Walt like in a way, or what he would be like that situation.

I've always found that second person POV is very effective while writing about disturbing situations so kudos, :).

Great fic overall. It was depressing, because God knows Jesse is vulnerable enough to take any shit that Walt unfeelingly dishes out to him.

I do however have one issue (not with the writing).

Do it.

DIAF Walter.
squonkfan
Aug. 28th, 2011 09:23 am (UTC)
I've always found that second person POV is very effective while writing about disturbing situations so kudos

Thank you! This fic was my first attempt at second person, and now I'm kind of hooked on it. :) And in this instance the POV really did help me get into Walt's headspace. It's not a pretty picture in there!

Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment. I'm so happy you enjoyed it, and hope you are enjoying the current season as well.
prairiestar
Oct. 21st, 2011 04:47 am (UTC)
Goddamn, this is awesome. And I'm not just saying that because it's apparently the only piece of walt/jesse in existence. You have absolutely nailed their entire relationship with this story. Brilliant. I will compulsively check your journal for quite a while in the hopes that you've done another story.
readishmael
Oct. 22nd, 2011 04:36 pm (UTC)
Psst...bb_slash . There is more Walt/Jesse stuff out there. There might also be some buried at breakingbad_art .
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dlasta
Oct. 23rd, 2011 04:27 pm (UTC)
Excellent fic, I especially love the ending. :)
squonkfan
Oct. 25th, 2011 01:45 am (UTC)
Thank you so much! :)
slinkymilinky
Mar. 10th, 2012 04:18 pm (UTC)
Brilliant fic, I loved the tension and how you captured that terrifying edge in Walt's voice! Great job! :D
squonkfan
Mar. 11th, 2012 10:12 am (UTC)
Thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed it, particularly creepy!Walt. :)
blaqkasphyxiate
May. 10th, 2012 10:11 am (UTC)
This is the first BB fic I've read! And it was absolutely perfect, holy unf. You got them spot on.

Sorry for the comment on an old piece. <3
squonkfan
May. 10th, 2012 08:54 pm (UTC)
I am so honored to be your first BB read! Thank you so much, I'm so glad you thought it rang true.

Sorry for the comment on an old piece.

Comments are ALWAYS appreciated, on anything! Especially ego-inflating comments. ;) Thanks for taking the time!
hoktauri
Aug. 23rd, 2012 03:07 am (UTC)
Oh my god, that last line. Jesus.

This is fucking brilliant.
squonkfan
Aug. 23rd, 2012 03:22 am (UTC)
Oh, wow, thank you so, so much! So glad it worked for you. <3
disastrolabe
Oct. 3rd, 2012 09:23 am (UTC)
So, you do realize, don't you, that as of October 2012 this fic is on the first page of Google search results for "Breaking Bad slash"? The entire Internet, and this page is the eighth click down. That must make you, like, the Heisenberg of this fandom. :D

Anyway, a really enjoyable, compact piece of fic that strikes me as deftly written, solidly characterized, and--though I'm just jumping into the fandom--representative of all the buttons this pairing should be hitting when done correctly. (Also: you got me to tolerate second-person POV. I arguably no longer qualify as a "young" person and have therefore read a LOT of fanfiction in my day, but usually that first or second "you" will send me running for the hills. Not this time!)

And a bonus: while I am gathering that, sadly, the fandom--well, the fic-based fandom--for this show is pitifully small, it does seem just from my first impressions that what fandom IS out there has a fairly high base-level IQ. In a huge fandom you'll get as much, if not more, awful fic as good fic; that seems statistically inescapable regardless of the source canon's quality. But if you take a smaller fandom with a base canon that can boast both excellent plot and excellent characterization, you're likely to get a small but highly intelligent, introspective (creatively producing) fan base. It's why, say, the folks in the Patrick O'Brian fandom (well, the Aubrey/Maturin fandom, which is of course WAY different from the general-public Patrick O'Brian fandom) are so sparse yet incredibly stellar, while those producing in, say, any given L&O fandom, while equally few in number, are not so...engaging. (NOT an all-inclusive statement by any means, lest I offend any skilled, contemplative L&O shippers out there!) But I mean, just look at the comment thread on this piece. I read every bit of it--hooray for people using their brains!

Okay, enough ranting about the fandom product available on the street, as it were. This was a real blue sky-quality fic. Enjoyed it. :)






squonkfan
Oct. 5th, 2012 01:58 am (UTC)
Your comment? Helped me get out of bed yesterday morning. (Er. Actually not routinely on the verge of suicide or anything, honestly. Just have some sleep issues. Um. Hi!)

Whoa--I win the internet? That's pretty humbling. I really continue to be blown away by the ongoing response to this fic. Amazing feeling.

though I'm just jumping into the fandom--representative of all the buttons this pairing should be hitting when done correctly.

Oh, thank you so much! A little unclear--are you new to the show, too, or just the fandom?

(Also: you got me to tolerate second-person POV. I arguably no longer qualify as a "young" person and have therefore read a LOT of fanfiction in my day, but usually that first or second "you" will send me running for the hills. Not this time!)

I am not exactly a young person either, or not in the context of fandom. Back in my day, we used to walk to cons uphill both ways to get these things called "zines" chiseled on stone tablets. Granted, I got into it very young, or what was considered very young for fandom then. The internet was JUST starting to be a thing, and it was like, "OMG! We can talk about Quantum Leap on Prodigy!" It is unbelievable to have witnessed this transformation. I can barely keep up with the fannish jargon. Kids today, etc.

The upshot of that is: Yeah, I've always hated second-person, too. I've always remembered that Elizabeth Lowry Starsky and Hutch fic I linked to, because it was the only time I really enjoyed second-person, and I remember thinking, "If I ever feel like there's a story/character that might let me carry it off this well, I might try it." I was surprised how enjoyable it was to do, how exciting and fresh it felt creatively. I used again it for the very next fic I did and enjoyed it just as much. I'm so gratified it worked for you, too, being a fellow second-person skeptic--thanks much for mentioning it.

Re: collective intelligence of fandom, I confess I don't typically participate in enough discussion, or even read it, to have as much of an informed opinion on that as I'd like. Used to do a bit more with BB, and obviously still do to some extent on my own or friends' journals, but in general I've reduced that portion of my fannish life pretty drastically over the years. I end up sealed off from the tone of larger fandom, only getting many of my impressions secondhand, which frankly is healthiest for me. I can say that the BB discussions I have chosen to read/participate in have been cerebral, but then, I consciously filter them that way and don't venture out of my haunts terribly much as far as that's concerned.

Now, I'll go pretty much anywhere to read fic (with a bias against ff.net). Definitely what we have is a small number of very, very good works by a smattering of authors. The lesser-quality stuff tends to be the work of only one or two prolific folks (God bless 'em, as Vince would say ;)). While yeah, I guess theoretically I'd rather have a small number of quality fics than a large number of crappy ones, I wish there were more. That the canon is so rich and challenging does result in the production of rich and challenging 'works, but also means that it's more of an intimidating task. Plus, it may be that the canon is so fucking full we don't feel quite the same hunger to expand upon it as we do for other canons. What we do is in so many ways as much about the absence of text as it is about the presence of it.

Patrick O'Brian fandom

Whowhat? *googles* Ahhh. :)

while those producing in, say, any given L&O fandom, while equally few in number, are not so...engaging.

Hee! Yes.

Interestingly, to me, Sherlock has an enormous amount of quality fiction given the sheer enormity of the fandom. Really, I'm surprised how relatively few times I've had an "AHHH! UNDO, UNDO!" reaction to fics I've begun to read. (The most common mistake I see is confusing Sherlock with Mr. Spock. But John does that too, so. ;)) And I bring that up partially to segue to the fact that holy fucking shit, your Sherlock fic. Working my way through the series now and promise to f/b when I'm through. But. I'm all the more honored by your comments on my fic given your very obvious talent.
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mesmerized_mia
Aug. 19th, 2013 07:53 pm (UTC)
Oh dear. Oh wow.
I really like this. I don't even know what to say. Wow. Thank you.
squonkfan
Aug. 20th, 2013 04:07 am (UTC)
Thank YOU for taking the time to read and let me know you liked it! It was lovely to find this comment waiting in my inbox today. :)
( 57 reuptakes — So uninhibited )